'The AUTHOR'

::Jo. October 23. Scorpion:: +a self-proclaimed fashionista+

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Friday, January 28, 2005

minsan peste sumakay ng jeep

Ang daming nagsasabing malas ang 2005. Year of the Rooster kse. Haha.. I was born in 1981, Year of the Rooster din. Does that mean malas ako?? Napapadalas na sa ngayon..Eto examples...grrr...

Out na ko 5pm on the dot yesterday. Badtrip ako the whole day. Basta kairita..I rode a jeepney from Standard Chartered Ayala to Glorietta. Nauna ako sa jeep kaya sa dulo ako sumakay--dun sa pinagsasabitan ng mga lalakeng malalaki ang katawan--..Ang daming sumakay after me. A girl sat beside me. Di naman ganun katanda pero mukhang middle 30s na. I was getting coins from my bag nung biglang mega break ang jeep. E malas nga, di ako nakahawak kaya mejo napasandal ng konti sa shoulders nung girl. I thought everything was ok kse di ko naman sinasadyang mag lean sa kanya eh.. After ilang seconds, nag react saying "PATAY NA KO!" --*said with all her might*. Kainis, kasalanan ko ba? Kaya sagot ko "SORRY HA, DI NAMAN SINASADYA". Magji jip ka na nga lang may makakaaway ka pa.. sus...

After that, nagpatugtog ng malakas ang driver. Ok sa sounds. R n B pa ata iyon eh..hehe..Atleast konting badtrip nalang ang na feel ko. Next stop na ang Shangri-La, tapos sumigaw ung driver before shang, sabi nya "may bababa ba?" Walang reaction kse wala namang bababa. Malapit na sa Glorietta 3, dun na ko bababa. Ang gagong driver dumiretso sa kabilang lane, e di ako naman ang layo ng nababaan ko.. Dun pa sa may MRT station..Siyet, malas talaga.. Dagdag pa ung dalawang taong kinaiiinisan ko...Hay..

**After that, I received a text message informing me that my mom was rushed to the hospital..Good thing di naman malala. Nagka bacterial infection lang sa tyan.. Pero Hayyyyy pa rin!!!I was supposed to buy that pink bag sa Woman, pero la na ko sa shopping mood.

Ayun!!!!!

[ 10:49 AM ] | 0 comments

Thursday, January 27, 2005

araw araw na lang..

PESTE! Baket ba laging ganito? Loser ba talaga ako o sadyang malas lang talaga? Sa mga ganitong panahon ko talaga gustong sumigaw!!!

Sana ngaun, may pala ako..maghuhukay na lang ako. Atleast pagka hukay ko, may nag iintay sa ken na sasalo. Ung mga worms, antik at kung anu-ano pa sa ilalim nga lupa. May kakain sa ken. Atleast gusto nila ako. Decaying body. Morbid no?
Ang pathetic ng buhay ko ngaun.. Feel na feel kong ayaw sa ken ng mga tao sa paligid ko. E ang problema, di naman ako yung tipong mangungulit para magustuhan ako pero pipilitin ko pa din.. I need time to digest what they are implying to me.. tas saka ko sasabihing "ok lang".. pero sa loob loob ko, di talaga ako OK!! Peste!!
Right now, may dalawang tao akong kinaiinisan ng SOBRA. As in! Well, maybe this is God's way of telling me that I cannot please everybody. May tao talagang sasakit ng damdamin ko. Paulit-ulit na parang tahi. Ako ung tela. SILA ang karayom. Ang sakit. Tapos sa katagalan, numb na ko.. Sasabihin ko, "MORE" kse I love pain! wooohhhh..Weird shit!
Alam ko ako ang tipo ng taong di makunte kuntento sa buhay. Laging may hinahanap, laging dapat may bago. Pero ngaun wish ko lang talaga ma feel ng dalawang tao na un ung nararamdaman ko sa ngayon. haha..Karma! mangyayari din sa inyo yan, di nga lang ako sure kung kelan at kanino nyo mafi feel yan. pero sureball un..Bitter no?
Sana ngayon nasa beach nalang ako. Sa boracay para paradise ang dating. Naglalakad sa ilalim ng araw. Naka shades at nakatunganga sa dagat na super ganda. Atleast nare relax ako kahit na sa isip ko lang. May sayad na ata ako talaga..tsk tsk..

**Pakshet kayong dalawa! Magsama kayo..Mga walang puso!!!!!**

[ 11:47 AM ] | 0 comments

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

badtrip pero funny day

I visited one blogspot site (which I don't know how I'd found out). The owner is a girl I used to see everywhere kung san merong moni at yosi..hehe..Di naman ganon kagandahan at di naman ganon ka sexy pero may dating.. I'm not a lesbo or something; it was just my first impression of her. For all I know, she doesn't like me at all. She's kinda bitchy at times pero actually, I don't care.. haha..maybe because I am not affected if she's acting like one. Nakakatawa ung blogspot site nya. What a good way to make me feel better. Well, its all about ATTITUDE! :)
Her blog contains things that happened to her everyday.. haha..funny talaga. She's never afraid to show her real self. The way she writes is exactly the same way she talks. Puro mura pero nakakatawa talaga. medyo parang kilala ko nga ung isang love interest nya eh..Well, whatever! No comment..hehe..
I was actually having a hard time today. Ewan ko someone is really making me freak out! Badtrip.. I need 10 sessions sa Anger Management..Pero in fairness to me, nagbabago na ko. The used to be crybaby is now a more relax and calm girl.. goodthing! Pero ang hirap ah! Ang hirap magpigil ng feelings.. haha..Ang sama..Di ba nya naiicip na mas magandang mabuhay dito sa mundo kung di nya ko i-ignore? Masaya kaya ako kausap! Di nya lang alam na may mas madami pang bagay ang masaya pag nandun ako! hehe..Bahala sya, isang araw, nasa akin din ang huling halakhak!!HAHAHA..
I'm happy i can see myself learning the things little by little here sa office. Although medyo matagal pa before my lunchmate buddies be assigned to night shift, naiisip ko na sha. I'm bothered. Although i'm now a certified loner at walang friends, it's pathetic naman to eat alone di ba? hay, BUTI nalng..may dadating.. :)
I am planning to study this June, ayan na naman plano na naman..Sana naman this time matuloy na yan..hehe.. Pampataas ng market value. Nga pala, i paid my credit card bills ngayon..haha..di naman ako babaeng umaasa sa swipe swipe unlike one person that I know na addict sa credit card..hehe...Well, ang hirap bago ako na approve sa lecheng credit card na yan.! I tried applying to Citibank, BPI, Standard at kung san san pa pero na reject. That was when I was still in Accenture. Kse naman liit ng basic.. Pang JCB lang.. hihi..

Here are the things that I want to do/have this year:
1. Study.. MBA na to!
2. Work harder.. :) and earn more..
3. Learn to get over bad memories
4. Love myself
5. Exercise at magpalaki ng katawan..
6. Magpaganda- rebonding will do after 6 months!
7. Spend more time with family
8. Eat more
AT ETO ANG PINAKAMAGANDANG QUOTE FOR THE DAY:
"Love is friendship set on fire."

[ 2:23 PM ] | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

guilty

What if your happiness would hurt people around you? What would you do?

*****
I am happy now. Not completely--like in a state of utopia-- but i can laugh, smile and grin now. I can go to mall again, shop til I drop like before. I can eat as if I wanna gain 50 pounds (which I am pretty sure will never happen in my entire existence on this planet..hehe).. I think it's all about having the right attitude toward things that we cannot control. So, what are you gonna do if people around you are not happy with your decisions? Will you still go for it or will you let it pass you?
Its true when they say that you'll never know unless you get there or, should I say, unless you already had gotten there. It's like don't judge the book by its cover. Don't ever say that you'll never be naive, stupid or foolish with someone you truly love, because sooner than you know, you are already falling..It's easy to say "wag mo na yan gawin, kse ilang beses ka na nasasaktan..wag nga magpakatanga!" But the million dollar question is, if you are in my shoes, would you practice what you're preaching? well, good luck..
I am happy with the way things are going in my life. I am thankful for the people who know that even if I'm the pinakatangang babae sa mundo, are still there. Will never lie but will never leave me behind. I am thankful for my family especially my mom. She is the only person on earth who slaps me back to reality but then will comfort me and catch me if I fall..
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more." - Erica Jong

[ 11:05 AM ] | 0 comments

Monday, January 24, 2005

change is inevitable

HOME
BRIAN MCKNIGHT

You said you'd never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I'm reachin' out again
And I'm not letting go
Till you Hold me
Mold meSometimes
I feel so all alone
See I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Shape me
Make me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home
Master upon my knees
I pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord I know I'm just a man
I know you understand
This time I'm not letting go
Till you
Anoint me
Appoint me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way'
Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest till you
Choose me
Use meSometimes I feel so all alone
I'm on my way back home
So why don't you
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I'm on my way
Back home

I was like in a roller coaster ride this weekend.. I had my mind set that he and I should not talk anymore. I can't really explain the emotions i felt for him. halo-halo. even my friends were confused but still they were there to comfort me. Each and every passing hour that we're not together seemed like forever but I have no choice but to move on. The decision was already made and that's it. no turning back for me. I said to myself, this time, i will be strong. I don't know for how long but I will.
The days passed by with him in my mind every dull moment. I don't know what went wrong, but when we're together, we find ourselves blaming and arguing even the little things. Hinde ko naman masasabing we're falling out of love kase I know deep in my heart, he still plays an important role in my life. Di ko lang sure if he feels the same way.

Weekends are the hardest time. that's because we only spend time together during those times. We would go out-- watch movie, play billiards, tambay, sometimes inom, kwentuhan, kulitan.. pero di naalis ung away. I don't exactly know if that's the spice pero nakakapagod sha. When two dominant people are together, surely magka clash talaga. But i do miss those times, when all we do is tickle each other and dance our hearts out! :) i was attached to him. not naman dependent pero it's like he's driving me crazy..

Last Saturday was Bab's birthday. I decided not to go to his party because I wanted some space between us. I know he needed one and deep inside me, I needed one too. He broke the gap between us when he texted me if I'm going to Bab's party. I replied saying I'm afraid I won't be able to come. He didn't text back, instead bab texted asking if I can drop by. That time, I was with my friends at malate, nanglalait ng mga tao..hehe. it was fun and although it was hurting not to be with my friends, ok lang.. mind set lang cguro talaga. To make the story short, di ko natiis di pumunta. I know people would think I wanted to see him there but no, i was there because bab's a really good friend. Besides, he was there at my birthday party too.

The moment has arrived. We were there. ofie and me. it was nice knowing that one person could understand all the heartaches i'm going through. while driving the streets from malate to sucat, I really had a nice, sensible conversation with my best friend. my real bestfriend. She already had gone through a lot of major heartaches, and compared to her, I was just suffering 5% of what she had experienced. it seemed like our brainwaves were going through the same pace. it was a damn good talk! Back to the story, we arrived at the party. It was 2am in the morning. Everyone was there. People i have known for almost 2 years now were there. I missed seeing all of them. Then ayun na, nagkalokohan na and all. It was the first time to see him in days. He was quite drunk, he knelt down beside me and hugged me.. Grabe, I felt my face flaming! i don't know how to react but it was an incredible gesture...
Whatever happens next..that, I do not know..

[ 9:28 AM ] | 0 comments

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

until then...

AGAIN...a GLOOMY day yesterday..

The feeling was indescribable..mixed emotions surged from my heart. It was really painful. It's like i have lived in a dream world where everything seems to be ok but yet one day the make believe had to end.

The world of fantasy started two years ago. After longing for someone to love and care for, i said to myself, finally, maybe this is really meant to be. It was days before Christmas. That day was special. At long last, God gave me what I was looking for.. a handsome man near my age, single, gentleman and a very sweet guy.. it seems that it all happened by chance.. and all was fine. The kiss gave me a hint that he loves me. Truly, he completed me from that day on..

Inseparable we were, I find myself falling for this guy head-over-heels! No matter how I tell myself not to, my heart says it's ok..let it be.. embrace the feeling..the used-to-be iron-willed girl that I was had become softhearted, beyond doubt, he changed me.. The days went by fast, i can still recall the places we've been.. all was perfect but sooner that i realized, i was gripping it..

Fight. tension. anxiety. tears. jealousy. hopelessness. anger. pain. --all these feelings arose. but i'm proud to say that even we had gone through a lot of misery, i kept on holding on. because even if my mind says it's time, the heart shouts otherwise.. everyday i cry, to the point that he doesn't care about it anymore. Maybe he's just tired of seeing me like that but this I say, every tear that poured down from my eyes implies that i was hurting inside.. there's only so much i can take..

At this point in time, i am in a stage of denial. i reject the distressing feeling. but I am not in any way reluctant to tell the whole world what I'm going through. The fact that i'm well aware that i need a support group now, i know whatever happens tomorrow, they are still there. will never go. not like him..

Until then..

in my heart, he'll always be my baby..

[ 4:09 PM ] | 0 comments

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

pleasing outside, fiend inside! bwahahaha!

[ 2:01 PM ] | 0 comments

steady lang..

SUNSHINE
Twista feat Anthony Hamilton

When I wake up in the mornin' love,
And the sunlight hurts my eyes,
Then somethin' without warnin' love,
Bears heavy on my mind...

(Twista) Let's get them dollars,
Let's get this money, (Keep my mind on my...)
(Twista) I keep my mind on my money, money on my mind,
I got my finger on tha trigga, stayin' on tha grind,
And when I wake up in the mornin',
I got's to hit a lick,
Saw the 2000 and 3 Navi, on Sprees wit' a kit,
Soon as my eyes see tha sunshine,
My thoughts is jukin' the block, and dodgin' the one time,
Peep how we movin' the rocks and wit' pounds of dro before I double my shit,
I can serve sixteen ounces for six and get back ninety-six,
A killa for tha skrilla...
Nigga, Best not be stalkin',
I got's to get them bigga, figga's, fuck what you talkin',
I represent them nigga's ballin' wit' jewelry full of zickels,
Down to the nigga's chasin' million, their dreams' servin' nickels,
And I know, one day, I'm gon' come up,
And when you see me, don't hate, that I blowed up,
Get paid whether you legit when you slang, or tippin' off 'cane,
Until I take a dip in the
Range, I'm flippin' them thangs,
Gotta get that money man...

(Chorus: Anthony Hamilton)
It's a lovely day, just got paid,
Stack it up, be on my way,
Lovely day, lovely day, Lovely day,
It's a lovely day, just got paid,
Stack it up, be on my way,
Lovely day, lovely day,
Lovely day...

(Twista) A hustler's definition, is a hustler for scratch,
You serve a motherfucker, you serve him for that,
I'm makin' money off of verses when I spit 'em on tracks,
And if I ain't sellin' no records,
I'm servin' them packs,
I got a, clip full of hollows, money makin's my motto,
Semi-auto and Marlboros in the bottle, 'til I hit the lotto,
Wit' dreams of ownin' a records label, flippin' words,
My nigga flippin' buildin's better than he was flippin' birds,
I got tha, mentality and tha motive I'm on a mission,
For tha money, you can get it too, it's all about yo ambission,
Play yo position, provide the plans, and follow procedures,
In tha six-hundred, blunted, wit' a pocket full of hundred's and
Visa's, Love, when I get that dust, hit 'em up, re-cock then
I get back up, Love, when I get that gig, get a crib, get a car when tha grip stack up,
It's still in the evenin' if I'm sleepin' paper problems,
Soon as I get up it's just another day, another dollar...
Gotta get that money man...

(Chorus)

(Twista) Got love for the corporate playas that's ballin' rollin' jags,
Got love for the thug nigga's who get' it on tha ave.,
Love for those, who can make a mil and sit back and laugh,
And love for the fine stripper's who get it poppin' ass,
Love for the single parent's that's workin' through the struggle,
Love for those who gotta make a livin' movin' muscle,
Love for those who gotta watch tha hater's rollin' bubbles,
Causin' trouble every time a young brotha try to hustle,
And if I can't, legally make or not...
Then I gotta get, right back on the block...
And if it no work we do a stick-up and whip-up a concoction,
Might leave yo face down in the dirt because hurtin's not an option...
Gotta get that money man...
(Chorus)

(Outro: Anthony Hamilton)
When I wake up in the mornin' love,
And the sunlight hurts my eyes,
Somethin' without warnin' love,
Bears heavy on my mind...

************************************************************************************************
STEADY v.- firm. fixed. sturdy. this is me now. steady lang...
Once again, another time off for me. Maybe because it was Martin Luther King's Day yesterday in the States so we have less load for today! But it may have been much better if we aint need to go to work! hehe.. :)
Hoooooo!! At 23, I already had 3 working experiences. Up until now, I haven't saved any single cent from the blood and sweat of working. hehe.. maybe because i was born to shop. shop.shop. :)

I love shopping. I can actually stand doing it for 5 hours. tried and tested. but mike can't stand it! Hehe :) well, i have to thank him for going with me everytime glorietta is beckoning for my wallet. hehe.. A lot of times, mike has become my conscience when it comes to spending (and pag di ko nauubos and pagkain ko sa plato kse hinde masarap!) but he has to thank me, because everytime I feel guilty for making him feel tired, i treat him to dinner (kaya tumataba eh..hehe) peace tau! I love shoes and bags.! right now, my goal is that everytime I go shopping for bags, the color has to match with the shoes i'll buy! hehe.. the collection goes from classic styles to kikay--pastel,neon, earth colors.. :) sa dami nun, i dont wanna count how many thousands i've already splurge! well, in fairness to me, i let my sister borrow my things.. :)

perfumes! i love them. My sister and I have collected a lot already. :) The bottles are nice to look at.. Pwede na ding pang decorate ng room! :)

So much for shopping..

I have posted pics from Accenture christmas party last Dec. 2004. It was my last party with the whole barkada there. Most of the pics were from Manj's and Fatz' cams, too bad i didn't bring my digicam..tsk..tsk.. paarte kse eh. That nyt, I remembered dancing my heart out! hehe :) I went to Total san juan afterwards tambay with mike and dennis. That night was a whole lotta fun!!!! :)

[ 1:30 PM ] | 0 comments

hehe..

[ 9:44 AM ] | 0 comments

friends at work

[ 9:43 AM ] | 0 comments

miss them!!

[ 9:41 AM ] | 0 comments

accenture friends

[ 9:40 AM ] | 0 comments