to leave or not to leave?

amp. i'm so confused. I don't know what to do with my very stressing life. Haha. I know, i'm still searching for something. Ewan. Taena ang hirap talaga.
What will you do when everyday you come to realize that working 5 days a week, 10 hours a day, won't make a difference? I mean, will I be owning a condo unit at the Fort by the time I reach 27 with the kind of work I have now? And this is so harsh, "im so freaking old!" Dammit.
So now I came up with a 50% decision of going abroad. Tama ba to? Amp di ko alam. I know it's either I win or lose. Sobrang risk to. Maybe u'l wonder where the other half percent goes? di ko din alam. it's wandering around.
I admit i'm scared. Scared of losing more, afraid of living alone, without the people I am depending on. I'm scared of homesickness. I don't want to experience crying at night because of some impulsive decisions I made and reaping nothing from it but sadness. I'm scared I won't be able to live independently, because primarily, I haven't tried going out of my comfort zone. But on the other hand, I know it's about time to grow.

Oh God, please send the angels now..

[ 12:03 AM ] | 0 comments

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

i had a bad day

i'm taking one down...
i sing a sad song just to turn it around...
i said i don't know...
i tell me don't lie...
i work at a smile and i go for a ride...

Yesterday was the worst day ever.

I need a BLUE SKY HOLIDAY..please.
and yes, i'm faking that smile..*sigh*

[ 9:34 AM ] | 0 comments

Saturday, August 19, 2006

so sick

literally and figuratively..

I had two days off from work because of this acute gastroblahblah thing in my stomach, in english, i vomitted twice yesterday morning. I'm neither drunk nor pregnant. Just for the record. Haha.. And what's worse, I'm having muscle pains and fever, it made me think I have dengue na.

I'm addicted to Grey's Anatomy series that I wanted to be a surgical doctor now! How good that can be if there's McDreamy around.. Oh god I can very much relate. lol

My life's upside down starting monday. I mean, from graveyard shift to night shift. Sounds nicer but no, definitely it's the worst since we have to wait until the last flight departs, which means delays should be looked forward to. bummer.
I'm gonna miss my friends from graveyard shift. I hate this part. The leaving part. The problem with me is like I'm the Izzie Stevens of Grey's Anatomy, getting too attached to people I'm working with. I mean it's nice to have friends around that I'm comfortable working with, and this time, I am assuming an uncomfy working environment. I just knew it. I should know.

Now i'm thinking. Why am I like this? Like I so hate the feeling of someone leaving. Actually, I know why. Cause most people I love will soon leave, leaving me behind. How bad is that? Sometimes i wish to be the leaver (?)naman, just for a change!

I found out something today.. It's probably because it's only 4am and my mind's still numb.

Digest this later. fucker.

[ 5:11 AM ] | 0 comments