on the verge

Today is Easter Sunday.. I wasn't able to hear mass again since I left for work early. I miss going to the church and just talk to Him like He was just beside me. Right now, i'm on the verge of explosion. This is so unfair.. But i can't seem to know what to do.. i know i shouldn't think about it but the more I ignore it, the more reality strikes me. Right in front of my face.. I know something is wrong.

I don't know why this person keeps on hanging on with me and yet hurt me in such a way I lose my self- esteem. I try to do things that won't start on a fight, trying to be as calm as possible and yet it still worsen things. I know there's no use crying and there's no use talking..so what to do now?

I know you know hu u are... I pray for your enlightenment. Someday, the things you do to me will strike you in the most unexpected time. I just wish you know you hurt me, which by the way, i don't know why you still keep on doing. If you want peace, I know you know how to deal with it.

This thing happened before, I hope you know that.. If this will be the second time to say it's better for you to leave, I hope it's want you really want and what will make you happy, for real, my friend..

[ 6:23 PM ] | 0 comments

Saturday, April 15, 2006

whaat now?

Been ages again since i posted an entry..I always feel lazy to write everything kse or should i say i can't seem to find the perfect words knowing that few people can read my blogs. Contrasting to say that I don't want to share my thoughts to everyone, coz I very well know that since I started writing, it's open for public viewing na. O dba? secretive pero blogger..hmmm...connect?

so on..

Today is Black Saturday and I just went home from work.. Tiring but it's an effective way to divert whatever negative impulses I'm feeling deep within. At this time, there's been lots to thank God for, like for now, having a job that makes me happy.. I don't know for how long but right now i'm enjoying the airport rush. I feel that i'm in the right place at the right time now. I made plans for my future and hopefully, it will come to reality.. Someday..

***
Just want to share something from work today.. A while ago, when i was busy handling passengers at the counter an old guy came to my desk and asked the loader something.. I wasn't paying attention to them since I'm busy with other transactions when the loader told me, "Jo, ikaw na nga sumagot.." Then i asked the old guy, "sir, anu po yun?" All the while I thought he was just going to ask about the flight delays (which are becoming annoying every day ah).. Then he said...

"Bat ganun? Ba't pag kami ang may mali, may penalty, bat pag kayo, wala??"

hmmm...i didn't exactly get what he meant by that up to now..haha..but i think he meant like something about paying for the excess baggages (which usually the root of all the fights there) hehe.. Then he said.."Bat kme pinagbabayad nyo? kayo dapat magbayad din pag nagkamali kayo!"

another hmmm...

I think now he's pertaining to the flight delays...

then i uttered.. "sir, nagbabayad din po kame..if we don't account for additional charges, we have no choice but to pay for it.."

which is by the way a bitter truth..

then the old guy (this time mad na) said. "anong nagbabayad?!!" dapat blah..blah blah..(maraming achoo choo choo)

the other passenger which i was handling next to him was nodding, signifying that he is agreeing with me..then i said.."ayan katulad ni sir, excess na, pero magbabayad.." tamang parinig yun..

then the passenger just smiled to me..o di ba?hehe..

well, i guess, life is like that.. you are responsible for everything you do.. Just like the excess baggages the passengers bring at the airport.. Everyone knows the policy when travelling, right? If you have brought excessive things, you have to pay for it, otherwise you cannot bring it with you. We cannot just blame people for whatever bad things happening with us, cause in the end, it's no one else's fault but ours. In this life, most of us know the consequences of our actions, but still we opt to do what we want, and later on blame whoever for our sufferings. I guess, making the wrong decisions is not entirely wrong at all, if it means making us learn from it, if it means making us better persons.. The important thing is we learn from the wrong things and not do it again..

==i hope i myself can learn from this..the path is still dark but i'm wishing..i'm wishing..

[ 6:24 PM ] | 0 comments