change is inevitable

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BRIAN MCKNIGHT

You said you'd never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I'm reachin' out again
And I'm not letting go
Till you Hold me
Mold meSometimes
I feel so all alone
See I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Shape me
Make me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home
Master upon my knees
I pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord I know I'm just a man
I know you understand
This time I'm not letting go
Till you
Anoint me
Appoint me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way'
Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest till you
Choose me
Use meSometimes I feel so all alone
I'm on my way back home
So why don't you
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I'm on my way
Back home

I was like in a roller coaster ride this weekend.. I had my mind set that he and I should not talk anymore. I can't really explain the emotions i felt for him. halo-halo. even my friends were confused but still they were there to comfort me. Each and every passing hour that we're not together seemed like forever but I have no choice but to move on. The decision was already made and that's it. no turning back for me. I said to myself, this time, i will be strong. I don't know for how long but I will.
The days passed by with him in my mind every dull moment. I don't know what went wrong, but when we're together, we find ourselves blaming and arguing even the little things. Hinde ko naman masasabing we're falling out of love kase I know deep in my heart, he still plays an important role in my life. Di ko lang sure if he feels the same way.

Weekends are the hardest time. that's because we only spend time together during those times. We would go out-- watch movie, play billiards, tambay, sometimes inom, kwentuhan, kulitan.. pero di naalis ung away. I don't exactly know if that's the spice pero nakakapagod sha. When two dominant people are together, surely magka clash talaga. But i do miss those times, when all we do is tickle each other and dance our hearts out! :) i was attached to him. not naman dependent pero it's like he's driving me crazy..

Last Saturday was Bab's birthday. I decided not to go to his party because I wanted some space between us. I know he needed one and deep inside me, I needed one too. He broke the gap between us when he texted me if I'm going to Bab's party. I replied saying I'm afraid I won't be able to come. He didn't text back, instead bab texted asking if I can drop by. That time, I was with my friends at malate, nanglalait ng mga tao..hehe. it was fun and although it was hurting not to be with my friends, ok lang.. mind set lang cguro talaga. To make the story short, di ko natiis di pumunta. I know people would think I wanted to see him there but no, i was there because bab's a really good friend. Besides, he was there at my birthday party too.

The moment has arrived. We were there. ofie and me. it was nice knowing that one person could understand all the heartaches i'm going through. while driving the streets from malate to sucat, I really had a nice, sensible conversation with my best friend. my real bestfriend. She already had gone through a lot of major heartaches, and compared to her, I was just suffering 5% of what she had experienced. it seemed like our brainwaves were going through the same pace. it was a damn good talk! Back to the story, we arrived at the party. It was 2am in the morning. Everyone was there. People i have known for almost 2 years now were there. I missed seeing all of them. Then ayun na, nagkalokohan na and all. It was the first time to see him in days. He was quite drunk, he knelt down beside me and hugged me.. Grabe, I felt my face flaming! i don't know how to react but it was an incredible gesture...
Whatever happens next..that, I do not know..

[ 9:28 AM ]

change is inevitable

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