it's ur 26th bday!!

As far as I can remember, this is the first time i'm gonna write a little private thing about myself. Well, most of my close friends would know the story but not everyone.

I'm actually hearing my heart-pounding as I write this blog now. Maybe because she's here with me, watching what I'm typing..

Today is my sister's birthday. It was the 6th of May, year 1980 when my older sibling was born. We were only a year apart and I guess, like most of people out there, we also had our own share of sibling rivalry. I would remember us fighting over little things and was almost on the verge of hurting each other physically, but one thing's for sure, I love my sister and I miss having her with us. She was my playmate, my ancestor (and i'm the successor of her old possessions), and my number one enemy. We weren't close but i'm sure we would have been..

if she's still around..

It was the 26th of June 1993, one stormy afternoon. I would not forget that day. It was different. For all we knew, it marked the turning point of our family's life...

It was the day when my ate died in an accident. It was 2:30pm, the rain had just stopped and she and my cousin went out to buy something for their school project. It was in the nearby area so my mom allowed them to go by themselves. I was supposed to be with them, but we fought and she eagerly told my mom not to let me, so I just stayed with my mom at my tita's house just beside our place.
My relatives were ready to play card games when they realized that the Ace of diamonds was missing. Of course, di pwedeng ituloy so I remembered all of us looking for it everywhere when the phone rang...

it was my cousin calling, telling my aunt that she wanted to talk to my mom..

"tita, c kathy po.."

then according to my mom, she heard my sister's voice saying she's alright..

My parents, some relatives and friends rushed to the hospital (but not me and ichu). I could remember the feeling of parang nervous na parang nilalagnat na parang nasusuka na ewan, knowing that a family member met an accident and I didn't have a clue what the hell is happening. I remembered pa my neighbors telling us that she's ok na daw since they "heard" from the doctor's mismo that my ate will be out soon. Little did we know that she's really going home.. yeah, but in a casket..

I cannot explain how my family cope with the loss especially seeing my mom drowning in depression. Of all the people mourning, I know she's the one who felt the most unexplainable loss a person could ever imagine. We lived by it day by day, but what hurted me most was seeing my mom almost on the verge of breaking out, and I got nothing to do but to hold on, let go and pray for acceptance.

I saw the transition of all the members of my family from then on. My mom quit working from that day, my dad became quite linient, and I valued my family more, and that started me to feel lucky that I still got one sister with me. The one I envied on since the day God gave her to us, the one I always fought with because of the attention she got from my mom. Pala, God planned it all to make me appreciate people with me more, the ones who TRULY love me, the ones i seldom take for granted but are still with me when i'm in tears. They are the ones who I don't need to make papansin just to be loved.. the ones I cherish in my hear for all time..

As of now, I can say that we time healed the wounds of losing my sister, but she will always be remembered... Thanks sis for everything.. I know she is always there for me.. Sorry if sometimes, I wasn't able to visit you but u'l always be in my heart..

**in loving memory of my sister, Kathy (May 6,1980-June 26, 1993).. You will always be loved! I miss you ate!!**

[ 8:20 PM ]

it's ur 26th bday!!

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