bad day..

It's 2:02 pm.. I'm here at the office surfing the net. I'm forever f*cked up. This is a curse. I don't know for how long, but it's here, right in front of me.

I woke up late this morning, first bad thing that happened. Second, fought with my mom. Reason: my lovelife! My ever f*cked up love life. I was hurt by what my mom said. Again, she judged me. She judged my feelings. I know she's hurt whenever I'm hurt, but can't she just listen to me? I was deeply hurt. And i'm afraid the biggest reason why is that I can't accept the reality of what she had said. I know at the back of my mind, she's right.

Visited one site. Nice one. Posted a message.

Logged in my sister's friendster account coz I don't have one. Searched for it. I was shocked. I needed an explanation. Tried to be calm and called him up. He got mad. Once again, he's going nuts. I don't know why. But I'm not afraid anymore. I'm so f*cked up with all the shits happening to me, and what would I get? A mad guy banging the fone while im on the other line. And what's worse, a very lame shit lie! But still I didn't raise my voice. I'm different now. I had changed.

Whenever there's something i'd like to know, i know i'll get disappointed because in the end, all I get is an earsplitting answer. I can't be me. I know i love him so much but I can't be someone i'm not. I'm with him all the way but he can't be with me. I'm all alone in this fight. No one to turn on to. No one to share what I'm feeling inside. I have to draw the line. I have to say what I feel. Even if he doesn't listen. It's the bitter reality of this curse. Nothing has changed. I had to deal with it all alone. No more crying. This time it's for real.

[ 2:02 PM ]

bad day..

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